When you have children, the journey you travel is usually very typical as they grow. You bring them home from the hospital and go through all the things that first time parents go through, which probably has you in a fog and a whirlwind of confusion for the first six weeks anyway. Thank God for Grandma's.They grow into toddlers and that becomes yet another topsy-turvy episode in your life. You desparately try to discipline them with love as they push the very last button of self control left in your baby finger.
Ahh but alas....God is good. There is a calm, quiet time somewhere between the ages of 4-6. At least through personal experience for me anyway. You know....each kid is different, as they say.
Lest we forget....adolescence, pre-teens and the dreaded know-it-all teenager. As for us parents, through age we gain experience. Through experience comes wisdom. But heck if I know where all that wisdom of mine went when the Lady Bug managed to put me through the ringer, had my self esteem in check and she somehow became the smartest girl on this planet...or so she appointed herself to that status. And to this day, as an adult, on occasion she still thinks she knows it all. Unless of course she's in a bind. Just wait til she has her own
children.So what's my point to all this?
I was sitting here...contemplating...reflecting if you will. We have our children. We go down a typical road of raising them. They grow, become independent, self sufficient, no longer needing us for anything. Some parents may want to get on with their lives. Get to know each other again. Afterall we've devoted our lives to our children for at least 18 years. To date, travel, maybe even to fall in love all over again with each other....who knows.
So every once in a very blue moon, I will have a pity party of my own. And it's been one of those dayz. The reason being...after all these years, the other half and I don't get that chance to do what parents do as their birds leave their nest. I thought of a couple who has picked their lives back up, able to go out to dinner when they please. Have drinks with friends if they choose. Go to movies. Travel. All that good stuff. You get the point. To be free again!
But because of my Hummingbird,....I am still unable to just pick up and go out whenever I'd like. She's an adult and extremely low functioning. I've been doing this like forever now, so occasionally it can get pretty darn overwhelming and whether I care to admit or not, it can take it's toll on me. Now, don't get me wrong. She is my gift from God and I cherish every smile on her face and every twinkle in her eye. It's her smiles that helps me get through my days. And for the most part, I rarely ever if at all have these idiotic thoughts. But that doesn't mean I'm not human. And that doesn't mean I don't have my moments of breaking down.
Both of my kids are the sunshine of my life. I've been blessed with a child with extraordinary insight to life and to people and of sound mind. My other gift from God has blessed me with an abundance of knowledge on love, unconditionally.
So what are you gonna do? Life goes on, doesn't it. And I can't afford to get off this mad merry-go-round. So...I'll just kick the dust off my boots and put one foot in front of the other and continue to move forward.
In the meantime.....I'll have that drink now...........
4 comments:
((((Punky))))
I can't access it from work but there is a poem of sorts, its called The Ten Commandments for the Parents of a Handicapped Child. I will try to send it to you later. Not that it will really help but it might make you smile and nod your head.
Maybe the best I can say is to just try to remember that no matter what type of life one leads, there are always areas of disappiontments and what-ifs. And as you say, your little hummingbird has and will continue to give you many gifts. She has helped shape the very essence of the person you are today (and from where I sit, that's a very fine person indeed, one I am honoured to call a friend) and has given you a perspective that many others sorely lack.
But, alas, as you say ... there's been a price to pay. Then again, there always is I suspect.
I like your names for your girls, BTW, the Lady Bug and the Hummingbird. :D
Rambling thoughts from the mother of a Blue Jay
Thank you M. I appreciate that.
As the mom of your little Blue Jay, your words of wisdom comes from experience that only one can understand the sometimes painful world of special needs.
Thank you so much for your support my friend. A kind word always eases the stress.
I'd like to read The Ten Commandments for Parents...... if you get a moment to send it. :)
I will look for the list which goes around now and then on my autism group......"Things my child will never do" and it's a great look at things from the other direction....for instance,
My son will never call me to bail him out for drunk driving, or tell me that at 18, he's old enough to know that (insert name of skank) is the perfect woman for him, and at 35, she's just what he needs, so they're moving to (some place far away) to raise pot and kids.
It's tough.....and we need to let that out now and then. Thank God for each other.
d
Would love to join you in that drink :)
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