To Everything There Is A Season

So how do you go on with life when the one you've lived with for the last 30 years has been ripped from your life. Cancer has to be one of the most vile, wicked disease that will rob you of the one you've loved for so long. Someone who played a significant, major role in your life, from the minute you wake, your plans for that day would include him. You made dinner for two. But now, how do you make a meal for one? I don't know if you would want to.

You get the condolences, the support and love from family, calls from friends everyday to make sure you're okay. But you still go to sleep alone at night. You wake in the middle of the night thinking of him, unable to go back to sleep. So you watch tv mindlessly until the black sky breaks into dawn. And you struggle to go on. How do we continue?
It leaves one with the most empty agonizing pain in your heart and your very being that just can't be imagined. Its a struggle to get out of bed in the morning just to do the basic simple things in life. My mind screams at the thought, "its just not fair."
We go through the emotions of sorrow, anguish, hate, anger, depression. We tell ourselves that life will go on, new life will be born, time will heal, we must be thankful for what we have. But today, those are just empty, meaningless words.

But life does go on doesn't it. She gets up in the early morning, goes back to work. Their closet needs to be cleaned out. She pulls out his favorite leather jacket and cowboy boots with great difficulty. He told her in the hospital that he should have worn his favorite clothes more often. She gives most of his clothes to the Salvation Army. Some to their children for them to keep for remembrance. She wears his favorite house slippers around the house.

They say there is hope for a better tomorrow. She's expecting her first twin grandchildren in early summer. If only he could have experienced being a grandfather. I don't know if time will ever heal, but for certain life does go on. So everyday she goes out, she puts on the face. We had a birthday party for my great-niece who turned two. We laughed....we joked.....she forgets for just a minute. Maybe time doesn't heal, but it will make it easier.

I need to put these lyrics on my fridge. At least for today, maybe I'll leave it up there for awhile....

To everything - turn,turn,turn
There is a season - turn,turn,turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones

A time of war, a time of peace
A time of love, a time of hate
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything - turn,turn,turn
There is a season - turn,turn,turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven